5 Godly Relationship Advice – Amos 3:3

1. NEVER FORCE A RELATIONSHIP – Prov 21:19 NLT/AMP/MSG

I know you have heard ‘fight’ for your relationship to work, but listen – a broken relationship is better than a broken home!

Even God does not force relationships – He gave us free will

It’s better to move on, than to hold on to a person who doesn’t appreciate & understand who you truly are. The more you force yourself on a person the more you depreciate in their eyes! You lose value! – “It is better to be single than to be in a relationship settling for less.”

• Never make anyone a priority that sees you as an option in their lives.
• You can’t force someone to genuinely care about you.
• You can’t force someone to be faithful to you.
• You can’t force someone to be the person you need them to be.

The truth is, sometimes the person you want the most is the same person you would be best without.

       2. DATE SOMEONE WHO SHARES YOUR FAITH & VISION – Prov 29:18, 2 Cor 6:14

Every relationship is an investment and the strength of every investment or establishment is their vision. That’s why before you are employed, they make sure you understand their vision!

How can you be in a relationship with someone that doesn’t share the same vision with you? That’s a recipe for disaster! There will be division!

The prefix ‘DI’ means two or double

So, di-vision simply means 2 or double visions. You are going right while he is going left!

Listen: this is a universal principle for a successful relationship – it has nothing to do with being a Christian. If 2 atheists apply it in their relationship by having one common goal and vision that relationship will thrive!

It is important because in the days of adversity, vision will keep you guys focused!

          3. NEVER MARRY A MAN OR WOMAN OUT OF THESE 3 Ps – Gen 2:24, Prov 18:22

1. 1. PRESSURE:

Man, take time to find your wife. Don’t be pressured!

Woman, wait till your man finds you – don’t be pressured & rush into marriage till you are found!

He who finds a wife, not a babe, not a girl but a wife – that means there are certain qualities and maturity you must gain before you are found. If you are pressured into it before you get the qualities of a wife your marriage will suffer!

Listen: If you marry under pressure, you take away the pleasures of marriage and there is a high probability that you will get out of it under that same pressure. Never marry under pressure!

1. 1. PITY: Never marry out of pity – “oh he/she has been with me for years and though I don’t care about him/her anymore, I will marry him/her out of pity.”

• If you marry out of pity, you will cheat on your spouse and put him/her inside a marital prison.
• It is better to break their heart and let them find true love eventually than to lock them in marital prison out of pity!

1. 1. PROSPERITY: Financial prosperity – as much as financial independence plays a great part in a successful marriage, never let that be your primary motivation for settling with a lifetime-partner.

3 reasons why:

1. Money can give you a beautiful wedding not necessarily a beautiful marriage
2. Money can give you a beautiful house not necessarily a beautiful home

iii. Money can give you comfort and temporary happiness but can never give you JOY in marriage

         4. BUILD A FRIENDSHIP BEFORE MARRIAGE – Eccl 4:9-12 GW

Friendship is a solid foundation for any sincere and long lasting relationship. Jesus desires friendship with us, God called Abraham his friend. Friendship is initiated and sustained through fellowship i.e. spending time together, getting to know one another. This is key because it allows both people to discover themselves, flaws and & all. Once you’ve made your discriminatory, never enter marriage with the impression or intention that you will change your partner. You may be able to encourage certain positive traits to be amplified, but you do not have the power to change anyone

        5. SEEK GODLY COUNSEL – Prov 11:14 NKJV/AMP

RED FLAGS TO LOOK OUT FOR IN A GODLY RELATIONSHIP – Eph 5:1-7

1. AN UNBELIEVER – Eph 5:1

Anyone who doesn’t believe in God and Jesus will never regard God’s principles as a standard to pursue in life generally nor in marriage specifically. We are called to imitate God & God is

Holy, Light (1 Jn 1:5), Faithful, Just, Loving (Jn 3:16), Present, Forgiving … so anyone who doesn’t desire these traits cannot build a Godly relationship.

SOMEONE WHO SHARES YOUR FAITH IN CHRIST!

2. SELFISHNESS

A selfish person prioritizes themselves above everyone and everything else and being in a relationship with such a person leaves the other partner drained and sometimes even feeling (emotionally, financially or psychologically) abused. Selfish people are often attracted to generous people who will serve and feed their ego and bottomless appetite for more and more.

Selfish people are more likely to be excessively possessive; that’s a sign of low self esteem – he/she will make marriage miserable for you. Run!

In a Godly marriage, both partners should be nourished.

SOMEONE WHO IS SELFLESS & SACRIFICIAL – Eph 5:2 >> one who is more interested in giving than receiving and when both partners have this trait, both are served and nourished

3. BREAKS BOUNDARIES – Eph 5:3

Boundaries are limits that are placed to communicate what is safe to the boundary setter. The courting period helps partners discover each other’s boundaries and demonstrate that they can respect them.

Examples of boundaries to set during courting are physical (no sex or sexual contact), financial etc.

Anyone who repeatedly and unrepentantly crosses your boundaries is essentially communicating that their needs matter more to them than yours. It is a sign of selfishness and it can foreshadow other behavioral problems to come e.g. one who is lustful and wants to engage in premarital sex thereby crossing the physical boundary you’ve set

SOMEONE WHO IS RESPECTFUL BY DISPLAYING SELF CONTROL  >> where others are engaging in sexual immorality, impurity, greed and other sins – Eph 5:3, one who seeks a Godly relationship refrains from such.

4. ISOLATION:

Isolation is a sign of an unhealthy and dangerous relationship. When your partner is trying to isolate you from friends, loved ones and family that have been in your life before they came it is a huge red flag! Run because they have a serious ulterior motive.

They want to isolate you, so they can manipulate and control you ultimately.

God isolates to elevate

Satan isolates to depreciate and destroy

SOMEONE WHO RESPECTS YOUR DECISIONS & ACCOMMODATES YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY

5. PRIDE – Isa 2:12, Prov 16:18

It is a character trait God harshly condemns and hates, any man or woman that is prideful and believes in their own strength more than God’s is a big red flag. RUN!!

HUMILITY – must be something you watch out for in a Godly relationship before marriage, otherwise you marry an enemy of God – James 4:6

6. ABUSIVE: (Mentally, verbally or physically) – Prov 22:24-25 NLT

Abuse is the abnormal treatment of a person done in many different ways like deception, lying, manipulation, neglect that results in harm, damage or distress in various forms – e.g. emotional, physical, financial, mental

Abuse is a serious red flag in a relationship – never try to cover it up with love or with the expectation that the abusive party will change in marriage.

Considering that most people are ‘acting’ to impress each other while they’re dating, bad behaviors, if not addressed through Godly counsel, are likely to get worse once you enter into marriage.

If he/she can abuse you when you are not yet married, agreement to move forward with such an individual may be at great personal risk and essentially means you are consenting to a lifetime of abuse.

SOMEONE WHO IS LOVING & PROTECTIVE, WHO DOESN’T ROB YOU OF YOUR FREE WILL

7. TRADITION/CULTURE OVER GODLY PRINCIPLES –Mark 7:13, Matt 15:3 

– For example: the guy says our tradition demands that the woman must be pregnant before marriage or in the western part of the world – living together before marriage. Enjoying the benefits of marriage before marriage itself.

SOMEONE WHO IS ENLIGHTENED AND WHO VALUES THE WORD OF GOD

Finally, love is not a feeling; love is the combination of all the positive things we have mentioned and characteristics that display CHRIST!

Q&A

1. Is a pastor who is unmarried (or divorced) qualified to wed a couple?

Answer:

An unmarried pastor can wed a couple

For a divorced pastor, it would depend on the grounds of the divorce or the ministry’s principles

1. Does being unmarried make one less qualified for the work of God?

Answer:

Scripturally, no – 1 Cor 7:8 & 32-35 AMP

On the other hand, 1 Cor 7:1-2 & 6-9 AMP shows us that for those who have a
desire for sexual relations, it is advisable that you get married, so that you don’t fall into the temptation of sexual immorality.

Note: Paul gave his counsel and not a command (see v6). He regarded being unmarried as a gift, just as marriage is a gift; whichever one you embark on should be to the glory of God.

1. What advice would you give two people who were once in a relationship, had a baby, broke up and are now back in a relationship?

Answer:

It is sensible to try to bring the family back together, particularly since a child is involved. However, you must not put yourself under undue and unrealistic pressure to pursue this relationship solely for that purpose.

Seek Godly counsel to help guide you as you proceed. It will be important for you both to reflect and identify the true reasons why the relationship ended the first time so you can 1. take responsibility for the part you played, 2. truly forgive one another (not just covering up old wounds with ‘loving’ feelings, 3. aim to apply the advice we’ve shared during this service, watch out for and address any red flags.